How our families reacted
The fact that we were moving somewhere was not a surprise to our families. Chris and I had been discussing moving for so long, both of our families had heard us mention the possibility of us going to various places. When we finally announced last fall that we were going to Hawaii, well, that was a surprise to everyone.
Almost all of each of our families in Mexico for Chris’ 40th, March 2019. Photo by Lillie Elliot Photography.
Before we settled on Hawaii, when we were still just discussing moving in general, Chris’ family was more understanding and supportive, for a couple reasons. First, Chris’ parents and extended family are in Colorado, and his brother and nephews are in Oregon and Washington, so most places that we were talking about moving to would be closer to them. We also didn’t already live right next to them, so a 3 hour plane ride vs. a 2 hour plane ride didn’t really make a difference (again, before they knew it was going to be a much longer plane ride).
The Collins family, Dec. 2018 (minus me, of course)
The other reason his family was more on board with us moving is that Chris’ Dad was in the Air Force, so Chris and his family grew up moving every 2-3 years. Chris was born in Nebraska, then moved to Italy when he was still very young. Scott, his younger brother, was born there. They moved to Riverside, California for a few years and then to Guam. After 2 years on Guam, they lived in Fayetteville, North Carolina for 3 years (which was why Chris thought he hated the whole state of NC when we met at Clemson) and then moved to Germany where they lived for 6 years leading up to him going to college. His parents moved to Colorado after Chris was already at Clemson, so while his parents have been there for almost 20 years now, he’s never lived in Colorado (and why he gets a little snarky when people assume that’s where he’s from). We’ve lived in North Carolina for 15 years, by far the longest time he’s ever lived anywhere. Moving every few years is normal for his family, and they know that traveling to visit each other is just part of life.
Chris’ Mom, Lori, with our nephews, Austin and Aiden, in Mexico, March 2019. Photo by Lillie Elliot Photography.
My family, on the other hand, has mostly stayed in North Carolina. My parents still live in the house they moved to before I was born and my brother lives just over an hour away from them, in Charlotte. We live in Durham, a little over an hour away from Mom and Dad in another direction. Lillie is the only one that has left for a long period of time. While Michael lived in Colorado for a few years in college and I lived in South Carolina and then Washington, DC, both of us have come back and settled here permanently (ish). Lillie moved to Denver in August 2013 and has been there ever since, in part thanks to finding and dating and then marrying a guy out there.
Mom and me, the night before Lillie’s wedding, August 2019.
I’ll start with the best reaction we got from any of our family members: Chris’ brother, Scott. When we went out to CO for Thanksgiving last year, Chris told everyone that we were moving to Hawaii. Scott said, “It’s about time I can start living vicariously through you guys.” That comment brought tears to my eyes because it was the first enthusiastic response with no reservations that we had gotten.
Chris’ Mom and her 3rd son, the 160+lb Great Dane, Finn.
Chris’ parents were also very supportive, they just had many of the same reservations that my parents do, namely being that they won’t see us as much. Who knows what our visiting schedule will look like once we get there, but we know we won’t be seeing them 3 or 4 times a year, so we get it. That’s the drawback for us too, of course, of leaving.
The Collins family, apparently in their annual pose. Dec. 2016
My family was a bit of a mixed bag. My sister is very excited. She has the most flexible schedule and so we envision trips where she will come visit for 2-3 weeks at a time and leave her husband at home, working. Sorry, Patrick. So while she’s not thrilled we’ll be so far away, she knows she can’t say too much since she was the first one that moved away long term.
Who knows what I’m saying here to Lillie, but that’s pretty typical of us: me saying something absurd and her laughing at me. Aug. 2019. Photo by Megan of Morningwild Photography.
My parents had their own reservations. I will say this, though: I initially told my Mom over the phone and she only said positive and supportive things until I really pushed her and told her that I wanted to know her true opinion. I think Mom wins for the funniest comment we got, though, which was when she said, “I knew you were in a rut and needed a change, I just thought you would sell your house and move to downtown Durham.” Chris and I laughed over that one, since we were looking for a bit more of a change than that. Mom admitted that she didn’t really understand why we were going all the way to Hawaii and at that point, I didn’t really have an answer. A few weeks later, we had dinner together and I explained things a little more. Namely, that we didn’t see moving to Hawaii as a big risk and we wanted to do something we wouldn’t have been able to do if we had the life we originally envisioned. After that conversation, Mom said she got it and was completely on board. Never one to back down from a difficult conversation, I nonetheless let her explain it all to Dad, so I don’t know what his initial reaction was. Regardless, I know he feels the same way that Mom does at this point. They are happy for us and supportive of us, but not thrilled that we’re moving to the opposite side of the world. Completely fair point of view.
Dad with his 2 sons-in-law, Patrick and Chris. July 2018.
Then there’s my brother. Oh, Michael. For several months, Michael just responded with, “I don’t want to talk about it.” I was talking to him on the phone this morning, in fact, and he said, “Well, I guess I’m going to start reading your blog.” “You haven’t read any of it yet?” I asked. “No, I’m still in denial,” he responded. Good thing I know he loves me. My sister-in-law, on the other hand, is super excited. I was talking with them about what age we could fly out *our nieces by themselves, and Rebecca said, “You must be crazy if you think my kids are going to Hawaii and I’m not. I will bring them to you, drop them off, and then I’ll go stay at a resort and you can have them all to yourself.” That sounds PERFECT to me. Not that I don’t adore my sister-in-law, but I love alone time with the girls.
*[Funny side note that I have to mention: years and years ago, Chris once referred to Aiden and Austin as his nephews and I got really mad at him for acting like they weren’t part of my family, too. You better believed that I proofed this post about a million times to make sure I said “our” for our nieces and nephews, even though it’s a little more awkward than saying “my.” Because I can guarantee you he remembers. Ahhh, marriage…]
Michael and me at Lillie’s wedding. Aug. 2019. Photo by Megan of Morningwild Photography.
Being away from our family is going to be the hardest part of all of this for me. Chris, since we haven’t been living near his family, is sad that we won’t see them as often, but the day to day will be pretty typical for him. When we’re not in lockdown for Covid-19, we see my family fairly often.
Rebecca, Lillie & me at a Phish show (Rebecca is Michael’s first love, but Phish is a close second). Sept. 2013.
While I adore all of my family, the thought of not seeing our nieces, Michael and Rebecca’s girls, pretty much kills me. Luci is 17 months old now, she’ll be just over 2 when we move (if our plans don’t change), so she won’t remember us from when we lived nearby. Obviously we can still have a close relationship with them even not living close (we have a great relationship with our nephews even though we rarely see them more than once per year), but we have brought Adeline (almost 5 years old) to our house for weekends with just Chris and me and it makes me pretty sad that we won’t be able to do that with Luci.
Me and my 2 favorite girls. Luciana & Adeline. July 2019.
So there you have it. The Collins’ are on board and (mostly) excited. The Elliots are a mixed bag of supportive and being in denial. But we’ve already gotten the Elliot side to commit to Christmas 2021 in Hawaii (it would be our year for Christmas with them) and we’re hoping that gets everyone a little more excited about the move.